So you can understand my desire to understand how to make time for prayer. I won't have a perfect answer on how to find time for prayer, I'm writing this as much for me as for my hypothetical audience.

A few times I've written about prayer, and it's importance and ended those, discussing what litte things I intend to do to grow in my faith. Honestly, I don't really practice what I preach. A year and a half ago, I talked about starting the Father Mike Schmitz Bible in a Year Podcast. Today I'm not even halfway through. In fact, between then and now, my Uncle started that same podcast and has likely finished it by now. All that to say, I'm not quite practicing what I preach.

What Might Work for Me

What's a man to do who wants to pray, but also in some aspects doesn't want to pray? What I want to talk about is not how to pray, since I'm no expert in that, but more how to make time to pray.

My best idea, although I certaily haven't implemented this yet is to bundle it with an existing habit. For me, my most applicable habit started back in December 2023 at the CCO Rise Up conference. They called it the 2033 challenge or smiething like that. The idea being that if Jesus was 33 when he was crucified, then 2000 years since the crucifiction would translate to the year 2033. The challenge was to set a daily alarm on your phone for 20:33 -- 8:33pm, and make a small prayer. For two years, I've had my watch start beeping every day at 20:33. When that happens, I make an incredibly brief prayer along the lines of "Father let your kingdom come on earth as in heaven, come Holy Spirit." Some days--honestly many days--over these last two years, that may be the only praying I would do that day.

What I want to do is take that super simple "prayer one-liner", and use it as a catalyst for some more substantial or deeper prayer. As a catalyst to read the daily readings, listen to the bible in year podcast or maybe personally pray for the people in my life.

Conclusion

When life gets busy, prayer is prety much the easiest thing to fall by the wayside. That's not a good thing, but I guess it is a human thing.

Creative Process Update

I tried something different to get the first draft of this written. I recorded myself playing minecraft and getting my ideas out, Redeemed Zoomer style. It's difficult, and my ideas needed to be fleshed out above what I dictated.

On the way back from work yesterday, I had one of my best friends and my uncle text at about the same time that Charlie Kirk had been shot. I mostly laughed it off, joking about what the manifesto is going to look like. Shortly thereafter, I learned he had died. I got home quite late after being out with friends and finally watched the video where it was clear he had no chance of survival. I knew of Charlie Kirk but didn't even watch him.

Jumping to another feed, I saw a different video, this time of Iryna Zarutska, a blonde white woman having her throat slit on a subway by a career criminal. I saw the extended version that showed the first person who came to her aid. The point being made there was that no one did anything until long after the murderer had left the train. Iryna had no one come to her aid to help or comfort her as she died. She was left to bleed out, slumped onto the floor of a Charlotte train — alone.

Going back to read Charlie Kirk's final few tweets, it was shocking to see that these two gory videos were connected. Charlie had been working to break this story which had been buried. He had revealed systemic corruption as to why the murderer was free and roaming the city.

Many people have used these as rallying calls for tit-for-tat violence. I'm here to make a different point. Seeing the violence and death shown in these videos made me feel spiritually ill—and to a lesser extent, physically ill as well. I sent an email to a political commentator saying "I'm going to have a fun time sleeping tonight."

The Only Other Time This Happened to Me

As just mentioned, I was gripped by an intense unease after seeing these videos. Consuming all this information in the evening an hour before bed gave me an emotion I hadn't felt in a long time. It was based in fear, disbelief, anger, and more. Seeing that violence—even digitally—certainly triggers the fight or flight response. Because of this I was somewhat afraid to go to bed, and was genuinely fearful of the possibility of a nightmare.

The only other time I have experienced something like this was when I was recovering from a septic infection and my Dad and I watched the movie Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials. In it, the protagonists enter an abandoned building and turn on the generator, waking all the zombified people who come to attack them. I knew it was coming from a mile away but it still scared the shit out of me. I blame this now on being in a hospital, at night, on meds; but the physical response I had was still so real.

What to do When Your Peace is Taken

The violence of the world stole my peace. I felt like I wouldn't be able to sleep. When this happened the last time my Father put on a recording of the rosary to help to calm me. It worked then. Thankfully I was aware of those same feelings this time, and turned to prayer again this time.

What I did was have one hand on my rosary beads, praying them continually until I eventually fell asleep.

My prayer for comfort was answered and I did sleep soundly through the night. I think it's important to note that I didn't wake up neutered or neuralyzed, but comforted. I didn't feel that my reaction to this was stripped or that God had come in to dull my emotions. Instead, I felt more like I had been carried through this fearful moment. This comfort gave me the strength to face today with faith instead of fear.

During your times of trial and
suffering, when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I Carried You.

Compare how the last time this happened to me—roughly in 2017—I had reasonable excuses. Having this same visceral reaction—while not on meds—shows the depth of the impact of this event. When I get drafted to fight in the war that's brewing, the most important weapon I will be bringing onto the battlefield is my faith.

The interesting thing about Rome (other than it's age) is that there are churches literally everywhere. Everywhere else I've visited there's a church for a different denomination no matter where you look. In the downtown of Rome, every church appears to be a 15th to 17th century baroque masterpiece. While I was there I must have visited over 17 churches and walked past three times more.

About 10 years ago I went on a trip with my friend Robert and his parents to London, England. I brought a digital camera on this trip and brought it along to the British Museum. I took so many photos that I somehow burned through the two AA batteries before we made it hafway through the museum. My attutude towards taking pictures on trips has changed since then due to the fact that these photos are basically meaningless to me. I know exactly where they are on my hard drive but those photos are just of stuff that just doesn't matter to me. Another concern is not wanting to look like a stupid tourist taking a picture of anything he sees. I have realized that photos of people doing things is more important—and makes a better and more useful photo—than just photos of things. I thought that in the 10 years since my London trip, i figured more people would come to the same conclusion as I had, but apparently not.

Rome being a city with more than a 2 thousand year history, there are many museums well. I only visited one museum on this trip, full of statues of early Roman Gods. A surprising amount of the Roman history that remains is that of the early Christians. Recall the face of Caesar mentioned on the money, and the voyages of Peter and Paul around Rome. The Holy Land of the Christians isn't in Israel or Palestine, it's in Rome where thousands of early Christians were martyred and persecuted for their faith.

Negatives of a Church-Museum

In these old churches, there is a lot to see. Everywhere you look, there is detail. Elaborate patterns on the floor, decorative collumns, murals, paintings, inscriptions and altars. Because of this everyone wants to take pictures of everything. One church had a mirror placed just right so that you could get a perfect picture of the ceiling (they even had a line). The Basilica of St. Peter in Vatican City was very similar, with people taking pictures of things, but also using this incredible church as a mere backdrop for a vacation selfie where they are the centerpeice.

The point I intend to make (before I subvert it) is that in many ways these old churches have become museums. There are informational plaques beside many paintings and guided tours available, and of course people trying to sell things to tourists outside (that is if the church doesn't have a gift shop). Over dinner, my brother who invited me on this trip was musing about the arrogance of people to believe they could be more beautiful than the magnificient scupltures they pose in front of. Our tour of St Peter's Basilica was done by a priest. I was on the outside of the group for a time, not really paying attention. I overheard an old couple talking. The wife said "everyone's dressed the same as in the other museums we saw" and "it feels cold here, not like the church back home." I have to agree with this old lady and my brother. There is very little reverence.

In this picture, obscured by the sea of people all trying to take a picture of St. Peter's Tomb are two of my friends, in front of the crowd, kneeling and praying. I wonder how many random tourists have the top of their heads in the photos they took. In some ways the few actual pilgrims are part of the exhibits. We all went to mass within St. Peter's one afternoon, and the whole time we were sitting, standing, and kneeling for the mass I knew there was a horde of people snapping photos of the altar and (though not the focal point) all the people present. Exiting the Vatican Necropolis (where many popes are buried) beneath the Basilica of St Peter, you pass a tunnel with a painting of St. Andrew's crucifiction. There was no plaque to tell us this, but me and two of my travel buddies got a good look at it enough to figure it out while we waited for others who were praying. The story goes that he wasn't worthy to be crucified like Jesus, or upside down like Peter. His cross was diagonal, an "X". While waiting, many people came up between us and snapped a quick photo before leaving up the stairs. There is no way they had the time to appreciate this painting and the depth of St Andrew's martyrdom.

Imagine an anternate world where to visit a church (even to use the bathroom), you had to pull out a copy of your Christianity license to prove you are allowed in. That would run contrary to the purpose of the church as a whole. Yes a church does exist nominally for worship. However, we need to not forget the words of the great commission, where one of Jesus's last instructions to us is to go and make disciples of all nations. For this reason, it's not our place to judge the people who are voluntarily visiting a church. The way people are choosing to experience this should be between them and God—not for us to judge. Most of the plaques accompanying interesting things in any of the churches or museums were in Italian and English. Considering the new pope I saw people of every language and part of the world. A bunch of Korean tourists are unlikely to speak fluent enough English to understand any plaques, perhaps they were using their phones to automatically translate the text in the photo. Waiting at the back with a view of St Peter's Tomb, I also saw a group of Bishops take a group photo there together. I wasn't judgemental of them for this—they are ordained bishops—so why should I judge a family or tourists? It is not our place to judge people who are excited to be visiting a religious inistitution, engaging in a mostly respectful way.

Positives of a Church-Museum

It it also important to consider the influence a church-museum has for attracting visitors. St Peter's, The Sistine Chapel, and the Colosseum are likely 3 of the top 5 things to see in Rome. Many people who were visiting may never have had an opportunity to enter a church before, and are only visiting because their algorithim told them to. The majesty of these building is a reflection of the devotion of the people of the church. The devotion of the early Christians in the face of persecution and up until the last few hundred years of globalization was presumably enough to fill this gargantuan basilica. The Church wants the pilgrims and tourists visiting to have the opporrtunity to be awestruck by the majesty of these places. I imagine that seeing the history and tradition of such a place may hopefully lead them to ask the question "If all the bible has to offer is 'just be a good person bro', then why was something like this ever constructed?"—"maybe there's more to this God thing." I have a friend who was recently baptised into the church, and I think this effect had something to do with it. He told me that he could always feel something about churches and never felt right swearing in them—even as an atheist. As frustrated as I was ducking around selfie sticks and camera FOV's, all I could really do was try to pray that something in the churches would stand out to the people who were annoying me.

Many times on this trip I was in church and the whole thing was in Italian. I went into this trip hoping that having taken French in school that I would be fine to understand enough Italian. This plan only worked a little; each time I would have to pull up the English mass readings so I could follow along. Without doing this, I could only understand occassional people and place names. I hope that the other parishioners were not judging me.

You don't have to travel to Europe to see the effect I'm talking about. The oldest churches in your region are probably seeing a similar fate. The oldest Catholic church in my home city now has a cafe in it's basement. Luckilly if you want to see these historical churches you don't need to splurge for a tour, you can just attend the regularly scheduled mass time and get arguably a more authentic experience. And while you visit, consider saying a prayer for the tourists who end up passing through those old, holy walls.

Chivalry

My initial thoughts on this subject had to do with how it applies to men and chivalry, so I'll talk about that first. One of the simplest definitions of prayer is "a petition to God". To pray for a future spouse is to ask God to protect them. Prayer is the only thing you can do for someone you don't know yet. Many example prayers I found online ask God to guard their future partner from temptation, sin, and anxieties. I think that it is quite chivalrous to pray for someone you don't know.

Reflecting on my life, I find I am usually only motivated to pray for my future wife when I think I know who she is. When I've got a crush or in a relationship. As a matter of fact, the idea to write about this only came up because of interest in a girl. To me, using a prayer for your spouse like this semi-consciously changes it into "a prayer for my future wife (who I really hope is Xxxxx)." The idea that—for men—praying for your spouse can be chivalrous begins to crumble because you're not praying for them anymore. I now realize that my future wife needs my prayers all the time, not only when I'm in love (with someone else).

Trust in God's Plan

As mentioned above, the idea to write on this subject came from interest in a girl. The crush fell through with her letting me down gently. The childish thing for me to do would be to stop praying for my future spouse. I don't want to stop.

Talking this topic over with friends and doing some research of my own led me to the conclusion that trust in God is the true purpose. As a Christian, I believe that God has a plan for all our lives. I'm still on this planet for a reason (I very nearly died—multiple times), and if a wife and marriage is a part of that, then God will provide. To me, the proof of this comes from Matthew 6:26. "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" (NRSVCE) The message of this passage is that God loves all his creation and provides for all his creatures, no matter how small. We are not forgotten. This sort of prayer ought not to be out of desperation, but instead out of trust.

The word vocation describes a divine calling for your life. Particularly within the Catholic church, the two major vocations are to marriage or to priesthood. Particularly for Catholicism, priesthood includes a vow of celibacy—and that can be off-putting for many young men. Speaking from personal experience, myself and presumably many young Christian men really aspire to become husbands and fathers, not often priests. Knowing that God has a plan for our lives that will lead us to true joy, it seems somewhat silly to trust in God for a wife, while rejecting or ignoring a call to the priesthood. Living in this way is a perversion of "Thy will be done" from the Lord's Prayer into "My will be done."

While a prayer for your future spouse is obviously for your spouse, it is also about preparing your heart to be a good spouse yourself. These prayers should include explicitly or implicitly "God I trust you with my future, and I trust your plans for my life—regardless of what it is." I sympathize with the young Christian who really wants a spouse—because I'm part of this group. Our desire for a spouse ought to be subordinate to a desire to please God. In a fruitful relationship, hopefully the husband and wife can grow together in holiness, helping one another grow spiritually.

Appendix

This is one of my blog posts where I most want to receive feedback on. I only have my personal perspective to speak on, so please contact me. If what I wrote interested you, check the appendix on my website for some related reading.

On New Year's Eve of 2023, I shared that my new years resolution for 2023 was to read the Bible. I had read a blog post by Ray Patrick showing a simple plan for it, and I was excited to do so. I was crossing off the passages of the plan, and I was hoping to send photocopies of it to Ray once I'd finished to thank him.

However, by the summer a combination of summer vacation and female rejection ground progress to a halt. This plan was designed to allow for catch-up time, but once you're behind, it's demotivating. I sporadically tried to continue, but by New Year's 2024, I hadn't mannaged to get halfway. I renewed my resolution, hoping to make 2024 my year. But, as I'm writing this, I haven't made meaningful progress since January.

The Realization

Recently, I was doing some volunteer handyman work at a church, and during the dinner break, one of the guys—a relatively new convert to the Catholic Church—was telling us how he's been listening to the Bible in a Year podcast by Father Mike Schmitz. Since he's new to the church, this podcast is able to answer a lot of the why questions that I take for granted as a cradle Catholic. He works in the trades and can literally listen to this podcast the whole day. Talking with him, it dawned on me that I hadn't opened my bible in probably a month.

In 2023 when I started the paper bible plan, I told Ray. In April 2023, Ray gave me some advice that including something he found to help motivate me. It was a link to a tract by a pastor with a passage that stuck in my brain for over a year.

[N]ever allow a day of your lives to pass without reading at least a chapter of the Bible. Do this while living quietly in your father's house; do it when forced out into the world to breast its difficulties and struggle with its storms. Keep the blessed Bible by your side, and let its precious doctrines and precepts dwell in you richly in all wisdom. I shall expect you thus to become useful and honorable men, as well as sincere and devout Christians. Under the guidance of this Divine light, you will walk safely in the way.

As much as I would like to push through and finish my bible plan, It just isn't working for me. A mentor told me once that I don't have to blindly soldier on in times of spiritual dryness, but that I can change how I pray. I thought she was saying that I should have tea while I pray, but I see now that maybe this is how I ought to change my situation.

My New Plan

The zeal for the bible that I saw while working is something that I want. I am very aware that I have much room to grow in my spiritual life, and I definitely felt closer to God when I was reading the bible daily. Thinking about when I could routinely listen to this podcast, my mind immediatley went to the radio. I normally listen to the radio in the car. However, there are limited songs, and it starts to get repetitive. One song that has been getting plays lately includes the line "And I will f*** you like nothing matters". While I don't consider myself a prude, the radio in my car is ripe for substitution with the Bible.

Over the last whie, I have been listening to the Bible in a Year podcast. I have found it to be great, the structure of each episode is a few chapters of the Bible read aloud, and then Fr. Mike spends the remaining half of the episode explaing it. Providentially, each episode is about as long as one leg of my commute. This and the previous bible plan both started with Genesis, and I have found this podcast form to explain it better—likely due to guided commentary/reflection. The knowledge of a Catholic priest helps these discussions to dive deep into theology. This is a mature podcast, beginning with the Fall of Man in Genesis and very quickly looping in Job, to discuss the Problem of Evil. I appreciate the fact that it wasn't watered down to appeal to kids, since The Gospel is for everyone, not just the little children. Finally, Father Mike Schmitz has social media experience, and is engaging and fun to listen to.

I started listening to this podcast on a random day near the end of July. This is a great thing since my progress in this Bible podcast is uncoupled from the calendar. I am grateful for this, considering January first is the worst day to decide to make changes in your life.

In the 2022 growing season, I grew potatoes with spuds from a local gardening centre. I think that an unusually hot early spring tricked some of these potatoes into flowering. This was surely part of what inspired me to buy a pack of genetically diverse true potato seeds for 2023.

Modern potatoes are grown from existing potatoes, [making them] genetic clones of their parent, it is essentially the same plant. Seed potatoes are just small potatoes, a stem fragment from the parent.

Potatoes from true seeds means that the plant's genes have the opportunity to rearrange, allowing for genetic diversity as well as a wide range of colours and tastes. My goal in growing potatoes from true seed is the novelty factor. Potatoes can have red or bluish-purple flesh — these deep colors are antioxidants (I think) — and imagine how cool it would be to eat dark red mashed potatoes.

Except under special circumstances, potatoes are self-incompatible. This means that a potato cannot pollinate itself and produce good seed. Counterintuitively, this is a good thing for genetic diversity, as it helps to eliminate inbreeding.

The Little Potato that Could

Seeing as potatoes are in the same plant family as tomatoes, in my Canadian climate it is recommended to start them early indoors.

I am not great at hardening off plants. Logically, an indoor environment is much more stressful than outdoors. I did not harden off these potato seedlings for long enough before setting them out. So, all of my little potato attempts died. I dispersed the dirt from the potato seedling tray over the area I had for the true potato plants. Instead, I planted some scrawny supermarket potatoes there instead and called it a day.

A month and a half later I was weeding and I saw that among the potatoes grown from tubers, there was one small potato plant growing where I didn't remember burying a tuber. I assume this is from a seed planted in the growing tray that remained dormant long enough to not be killed by me. It had a purplish pigment at the root of the leaves, which was unlike the other tuber potatoes growing in the same area.

This small potato plant was off to a late start, and was surrounded by weeds for the first month of its life, but showed determination. This potato plant didn't get very big, but still made a few pink flowers. In the fall, I harvested four small tubers from this plant. I did not eat a single one, partially because they're pretty small, but mostly because I want to plant them in 2024 to see what this little plant can do. This means that I have no idea what the inside of this potato looks like. I've been storing them in a small wooden box all winter. They have begun to sprout, and I think all four survived the winter.

A Note on Terminology

Potato seed terminology is confusing. The tubers that typically are planted into the ground are called seed potatoes. True seeds — products of genetic recombination in potato flowers — are given the acronym True Potato Seeds (TPS).

Although I am proud of my Office Space reference, I cannot claim to be the first to make this joke. In my research, I found that the Canadian blog Maker's Dozen "got the memo" with the blog post TPS Report: True Potato Seed.

Explaining the pointlesness of Needless Negativity.

An extension to my minecraft power process post explaining how I think the internet provides Vicarious Achievenents.

A (failed) attmept at a craft Sewing with Hawthorn.

Talking about the Importance of Authenticity with fun anecdotes.

The Importance of Calling People by their Name - featuring a The Office reference.

Some complaints on internet overstimulation The Internet Should be Boring.

Some Garden Updates, stories about potatoes and zucchini.

Some thoughts on Richard Stallman's philosophy Free as in Freedom of Speech (spolier, I' don't really like it).

A star-trek related article Colonialism and the Prime Directive; somewhat interesting but not my best work.

Binding my Own Book, writing about how I printed myself a book since hawthorn sewing didn't work out.